I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
