i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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