Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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