the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
