his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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