we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
