Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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