Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
