why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
