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You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
