I just cut my nipple shaving
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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