And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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