we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
