omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
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sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
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Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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