the day after is always just damage control
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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