It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
