So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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