I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
