The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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