o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
