I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
