he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
