Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
