Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
