who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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