im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
