I feel great
I just peed on a car
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
