she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
