the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
