am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
