my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
