Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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