I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
