if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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