My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
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Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
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Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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