I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
