Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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