Banned from zoo.
Again?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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