Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
