margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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