What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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