I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
