We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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