i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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