I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
