literally had 100 drinks last night.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
