ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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