i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
