The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
