I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
