maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I love having hate sex.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
