What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
