youre lurking in front of me
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
