sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
