Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
