I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize