I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
4 words: hood of his car
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize
