ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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