addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
