Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
