You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
