Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
