i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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