I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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