Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
