i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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