We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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