I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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