I think im going to throw up on grandma
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
