Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize