he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
