I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
