I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Acid is not a monday night drug
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
