Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
