I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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