I'd wear matching sweaters with you
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
