Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
