the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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