Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
