dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
