I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I stole a fireplace last night.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
