She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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